People claim to fear
physical pain, although I’m of the opinion that the authentic terror comes from
the certitude of suffering physical pain rather than experiencing the actual
one. Enduring the real ache could be somehow more bearable than the wait before
suffering. The struggle relies on the anticipation. I believe that the mere
fact of confirming whatever is going to happen next gives us some sort of
relief on the grounds that at least we have certain control of it (the control
of knowing it).
Many are scared of
death. I find that a bit puzzling since death means the end of everything,
suffering included. All your worries stop. Maybe the real fear is the loss: the
loss of the future and possibilities… but how about the loss of the past? Don’t
you dread losing your memory? People rarely mention this one, but it’s
terrifying to imagine oneself painfully and progressively being despoiled from
people, places, and knowledge as if they never happened, like literally facing your
whole life as the emptiness. One more worrying loss: losing your
loved ones. And the loss that scares me the most: losing control.
Another cluster of fears
is related to self-esteem and not being ‘enough’: good enough, pretty enough,
skinny enough, intelligent enough, funny enough, skilled enough… in other
words, a failure. Interesting the destructive way humans compare themselves to
others for the worst instead of learning and getting the best from them. Nobody
is perfect, and that’s how it should be (FFS!). Fear of ridicule and fear of
rejection are also popular ones. The first one is easy to handle if you accept
everybody, including yourself, as clowns. So, embrace the mockery and enjoy
the parody; life is funnier this way! The rejection one is tricky, not because
it is insurmountable but because overcoming it requires mastery of a lifelong
skill: learning how to self-love.
The fear of abandonment:
a common source of anxiety. Being alone is acceptable; feeling lonely is
painful. Not belonging or not fitting anywhere could trigger bitter emotions
too. Somehow, they all relate to loneliness, and it’s understandable since we
are social creatures, and sharing is one of the most beautiful things in
life.
…The pandemic and the consequent isolation hit hard, didn’t it? I’m sure we will carry the
psychological consequences of this social “detachment” for a while.
Let’s embark on profound
emotional terrains. Getting hurt can be fucking frightening. Hurting another
person (especially someone you love) could be equally bad. The certainty that
both are unavoidable at some point is even worse. But what could be the
absolute worst? Reaching a point of not being able to feel anything at all.
And you? What do you
fear?
Personally, I dread
these words: IT’S TOO LATE.
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