[Disclaimer: Any resemblance to a real person or thing is
pure, unintentional coincidence.]
Many years on Instagram have made me think about the wildlife we usually encounter there. I
have a tendency to analyze people’s behaviors even in social media (it is,
indeed, funnier!) so I tried to categorize them into different kinds. Here is
the list:
· The Massive Likers
They like absolutely every single post, that being a beautiful picture of someone at a beach or an
accidental photo of dirty cardboard on the floor. No matter how ugly, stupid,
boring, or depressing your material is: they are loyal, they will like it. At
least you have the certainty of their unconditional support (#forever
grateful). You gotta be more selective in your life choices, man! I wonder
if what they are really looking for is a trade for likes when it’s their turn to
upload some content…
· The Primps
Their Instagram mostly consists of selfies and full body pictures of themselves
posing. They also upload selfies. All full of filters and taken from the same
flattering angles. The only company in their pictures is a cat or an uglier
friend. They are very active and very happy (😅) in the stories and
their comments are very meaningful (😂). They are generally
good-looking people (or they have a 6-pack) and always get attention (there are
many *turbios out there, baby!) but here is the thing: do they
post out of too much self-love or are they lacking a worrying amount of
self-esteem which with they
want to fulfill with likes instead?
· The Ghosts
First kind of *turbios here. They never post anything; they
have very few pics on their feeds and their last one is from more than 4 years
ago. They don’t share, they don’t tag, they don’t react, they don’t like
other people's pics, they don’t comment… but they silently and religiously watch every single one of your stories. THEY ARE
THERE. Isn’t that a bit disturbing? What do they want? What drives
them? I came to the realization that most of these Instagrammers are married
men with children or other similar life commitments. They are not looking for
trouble (I guess), they just want to enjoy the show from a safe distance.
Regarding the women, given the practically non-existent relationship between
them and myself, my guess is that they are extremely gossipy gals.
· The Reactors
Second kind of potential *turbios. Like the ghosts, they rarely
post or upload any stories, they don’t like many pictures, they hardly ever
comment on anything, but they are online quite often, and they DO react to other people's stories. These people act privately, in the shadows, probably because
they are on the hunt or simply playing the field. They don’t want to be seen
publicly involved with anyone, in particular, to avoid ruining their chances with other
potentials. Shady people. Some of these reactors have a boyfriend/girlfriend
indeed… most likely cheaters.
· The Middle-Aged Family
Members
My favorite bunch of people by far! These are your family members in their late
50’s-60’s who are two social media behind everyone else. In the new era of Tik
Tok, your uncles are realizing Facebook is becoming obsolete, so they have
decided to join Instagram. Pioneers. They have no fucking clue on how to use it, they can upload 10 photos in the same post of their grandson on the same post or
upload a picture of an old analog photo. Aren’t they cute?
· The Wannabes
Their Instagram is beautiful and well taken care of. They have decent pictures
posing in different European cities (no more than 5-6) wearing gorgeous
outfits. They try hard but the reality is that they are not physically attractive, rich nor well-traveled enough to gather a bigger audience so they remain mediocre
influencers.
· The Influencers
I find them so terribly boring that I don’t feel like writing about them. Why
do normal people follow them? Are you jealous? Really? I bet they are awfully
sad.
TO BE CONTINUED...
*Turbio/a:
1. Someone shady with dubious intentions but most likely moved by sexual
interest.
2. Someone who behaves in an excessively suspicious manner, as if he/she was
hiding some rare fetish towards the desired person.
Example (provided by Elena Garcia): “He is a real turbio. He looks at you as if he is going to masturbate with your toenails collected from the locker room where you got changed the other day."
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